HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO ME!

So over Valentine's weekend Robby and I went up to Salt Lake and went to dinner and stayed in a Hotel, you know all that jazz. Well Robby has always been fond of Massages, (I introduced them to him on our honey moon and he has loved them every since) so he got us a couples massage on Valentines day and I was pretty stoked. I've only had about 4 massages my whole life and let's just say they were wonderful but not the greatest experience. let's just say I ALWAYS get the Lesbians!!! Literally, I have yet to receive a massage from a strait girl. So it has become quite comical for Robby and I to see my masseuse come out and call my name. So THIS TIME I was dead set that this would be the ONE time I would get a strait girl! So the door opens and out walks this heavy set girl with a shaved head/Mohawk and a freaking DOG COLLAR ON and what does she do, she looks up and says "Kilie!" SERIOUSLY PEOPLE! what is it with me! So Robby just starts laughing hysterically and I'm trying so hard to disguise my embarrassed face and hoping she doesn't really get why were laughing. So she walks us back to the room and we begin the massage. Well about 15 mins into the massage she starts freaking GRUNTING and making some weird breathing sounds. I was having the hardest time trying to relax. It was pretty awkward. I couldn't wait for the hour to be up and over with. Let's just say I'm getting a Male from now on.